The Sanity of Decision
This blog post is a follow-up to my last post, “The Insanity of Choice.”
After many days of painful soul searching, we decided that moving to a warmer climate with more attractive housing prices was not actually going to bring us any increase in happiness.
I reflected upon the couple of years I spent living in northern Virginia outside of DC in a “Stepford Wives” suburb called Ashburn. Although the houses were beautiful, the people were gorgeous, the weather was delightful, and there were endless new places and things to discover, I never felt quite happy there. And that had to do with the pace of life in this area and the constant pressure to keep up with everyone. People were so caught in their own current that they barely looked up at me when I said “hello”; there was no time to talk to a stranger. People were too busy trying to get ahead.
I recall looking out upon the infinite sprawl of suburbia; thousands of nearly identical, perfect little houses all in rows. I always felt a little sick when I saw this. I couldn’t help but think of Agent Smith’s summation of the human race, “A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet…” While I tend to have a bit more love for human-kind than Mr. Smith, suburbia in Northern Virginia was quite a sight.
Our old neighborhood in Ashburn, VA
I also tend to assume that living in suburbia tends to go along with living a high consumption lifestyle. I was always on the road when I lived in Ashburn; almost daily trips to Target, coffee shops, playgrounds, playdates, the zoo, baby-sign language classes, museums and more. My daughter barely had a moment to herself with me at home because we spent so little time at home. And to this day she constantly craves being on the road all the time, even though it seems to cause her an alarming level of duress.
Then I think about the lavish suburbian birthday parties that I’d be pressured to keep up with, the urge to buy all the coolest toys that everyone else buys for their kids, and I get overwhelmed with how quickly my simple Maine life could turn into a fast-paced, high-energy suburbia life. Since moving back to Maine we’ve fallen into a warm daily rhythm of reading books and playing with simple toys at home; we mix up the week by making a couple trips to the local Toy Library (which costs $2/kid) or by heading to a friend’s house for the day. We cook almost all of our meals at home and we rarely go out “shopping”. I don’t feel this pressure to keep up with what everyone else is doing, because almost everyone else is doing the same thing I’m doing!
This isn’t to say that if we moved to a warm, lovely place like North Carolina that we couldn’t continue to maintain a lifestyle that was in line with our values. We had Adam’s co-worker (Thanks Brent!) driving by rentals and taking photos for us, and we even had a lease in hand for a place to live. But there would be that urge to be out and about all the time since we’d literally be starting all over again. We’d need to establish a network: friends, a mechanic, doctors, babysitters, a dentist, a new favorite coffee shop, a new farmer’s market, a new grocery store, etc. Relocating to a new area brings a certain euphoria, combined with a sure dose of exhaustion, especially with three little babes in tow.
Maine certainly has its flaws, like frigid weather (try pumping gas in -15 degree weather with winds gusting at 30mph and tell me how awesome Maine is), decrepit housing at oddly inflated prices, and you probably spend a good 1/8th of your life shoveling snow. But no one will be making a complaint to a housing association if I decided on an Allagash induced whim to paint my house purple and erect a lawn statue of Bilbo Baggins. And no one will have anyone to call when I’ve been too busy to mow my 10 sq ft patch of grass (which, in NoVA is what they proudly call a yard). When it came down to it, the thought of suburbia was terrifying. When I’ve made the case for Maine in the past, I’ve used this argument: “Recall the hobbits in Lord of the Rings; they were so far removed from the rest of the world, that even when the threat of all middle earth was at hand, they could feel no threat at all.” I figure that if this country is going to fall apart, the chaos would hit Maine last (right after Alaska goes up in flames). So I always get this feeling of ignorant bliss up here. No one cares to fuck with us because we don’t really matter. And that’s kinda cool. In a hobbit sort of way. 
Adam and I were also listening to an audio book during the last couple of weeks, “Stop Acting Rich,” by Thomas Stanley, the same guy who wrote, “The Millionaire Mind.” Since Adam and I tend to enjoy living outside of the mainstream in most cases, this book really fortified our inclination to stay in Maine. Fleeing to suburbia would have prompted us to spend more cash (in order to keep up with those acting rich around us, even if unconsciously). In Maine we rarely go “out.” Mostly, we hang out at home with our kids until we get bored enough to invite some friends over. And when we do entertain friends it consists of playing Catan, watching old Firefly episodes, sitting around the computer and watching funny youtube videos of car crashes or hilarious episodes of the Mighty Boosh. We have tasty beer at our disposal, lifelong friends, and the internets. And these simple things do bring us great happiness.
Allagash, elixir of choice!
So what did we decide to do with this acclaimed “freedom of location”? We decided to stay right here in the frigid wasteland. I have my complaints, but I’m actually quite happy. I’ll groan through the winters but wear them like a badge of honor. I’ll continue to complain about the small-mindedness of simple, rural Mainers but not before I buy my delicious veggies at their charming little farms. I’ll think of those grand houses that sell for pennies south of the Mason Dixon line and then curse our Yankee ancestors for making New England such a desirable yet expensive place to live. On the coldest February day I’ll think of the friendliness of the sun only 500 miles south of me and sometimes I’ll wish I could be blanketed in its warmth. But when the sun brings relief in mid April, it will be that much sweeter, and I’ll not waste a sunny day inside with the kids. And when my kids get old enough to complain about living in such a cold and boring state, I’ll point them back to these blog posts!
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